I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
