he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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