why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
