It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
