You're my little dorito
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
