PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
