we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
