This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
