you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
