I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
