When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
