i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
