please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
