if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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