porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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