so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
