dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
