Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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