i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
