If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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