I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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