Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
