Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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