i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
