Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
