I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
