It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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