Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
