You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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