i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
