And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
