Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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