Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
please don't ironically join a cult
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