in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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