Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We had sex on a dog bed..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
