dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
