if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
