pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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