Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You made out with two different species that night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
