the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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