i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
