If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had to coat check the pizza.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
