bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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