How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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