i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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