I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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