shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So much Jack, so little girl.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
