Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
