Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
