be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
no you cant smoke seaweed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
