i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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