This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
