So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
