Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
