I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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