fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
