I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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